Hello
After having succeeded in writing two (yes, two! Look impressed!) essays last week; this weekend I'm trying to get some writing done. However, this is more difficult than it seems. I've been watching the entire internet as ultimate excercise in self-defeating professional procrastination. Now I've even turned to writing this blog just to not write other things! That's how bad it's become!
Friday, though, I did go out, looking for a job. I need one, mainly as a way of making money. Because, you know, it's every boy's dream to 'get tha green like fiddy do' *Disclaimer: This particular jibe was not racist, this particular jibe was anti-50 Cent. This is only fair, since 50 Cent has had it coming for reasons of being a massive burke. I trust this argument will stand in a court of law.
But, no. The weather was bad, and I was cycling around Brighton, looking in vain for the job centre. Because (read this future exchange people) you apparently need a National Insurance number, so people wanting to go here and work: go to a job centre and seek it out!
Unfortunately, it was raining. Quite heavily. I was just about to cross the road and was already pretty much soaked to the skin; when I saw this lady with an umbrella. There were words printed on this umbrella; it said shower - shower - shower - shower -shower - shower - shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower -shower - shower. I KNOW THAT! I AM AWARE OF THE CURRENT METEOROLOGICAL CONDITIONS! LOOK AT ME! SO I CAN SAFELY, WITH ALL MY HEART, SAY: F*** YOU, LADY!
That's al least what I wanted to say. She would have deserved it. And she cut me off! In short; my anger management class is going bally brilliant.
The boy in the next room is listening to a weird dubstep-version of the Darth Vader intro-tune from Star Wars. I hate dubstep. And I feel like an old man; some kind of Proust-figure, fighting to get words out of his brain onto a piece of shiny paper. Possibly the shittest recluse since the main character in 'Perfume' by Patrick Süskind locked himself in a cave in the Auvergne for years, doing bugger-all. I at least, am writing some words, sometimes. Yeah, take that, you fictional loser!
I found this recently: hermitary.com/forum/ Indeed. It's a forum for hermits. If there ever was anything more oxymoronic, like, ever (!), please tell me. It's hilarious. It advertises itself as: 'a forum for hermits & solitaries about eremitism, solitude, and silence'. If you really don't like other people, don't go talking about how much you don't like being with other people, WITH OTHER PEOPLE!?
I wonder whether they'll soon change their minds after my incisive satire of their beliefs, the 802 hermit twits. What are you going to do? Come after me? All of you? I don't think so!
I think I finally might have found an appropriate comedic target. Yup, I have got the hermits in the bag. Prepare yourselves for some gentle ribbings!
(sigh) I'm so alone.
Though not as alone as you are.
Muhaha.
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